The Story of a Caregiver

I wasn’t going to write tonight. Then I thought I’d write about my own issues (health scare for my dad 1,000 miles away, migraine, hand surgery, constant worry I can’t provide the help Mike needs), then Mike started acting odd. He wants to get out and do things, but he gets so tired so fast. Tonight after a Dr appointment and a long, late lunch left him tired we got home and he took a nice, long nap. About 7pm, ḥe decide to go to bed. He takes his last round of medicine at 9:30, so when his alarm went off, I woke him up to give him the meds. He started undressing and put his shoes back on. Then he started wandering the condo aimlessly, occasionally sipping and sitting on whatever is nearby. Itold him it was 10:30, and he said yeah 10:30 in the morning. It’s pitch black outside. I said no, 10:30 at night – time for bed. He just kept wandering.

He kept walking (using his walker) toward his dog, Gizmo, scaring the poor dog. I’d tell him to be careful, and he kept doing it. Gizmo was already afraid of the walker, and now he won’t go near Mike with the walker nearby. It’s really sad, knowing how? Much Mike loves the sweet dog.

He continued to walk aimlessly, undressing and finding clean clothes to put back on. I was finally able to convince him he wanted to go to bed a little bit ago. Hopefully, this time he stays.

This wandering has me concerned. What happens if I’m asleep and he decides to wander outside? Or what if he falls again? He fell a couple of days ago because he was trying to walk without his walker and he tripped over it. That’s another thing that troubles me. He’s constantly trying to walk without his walker. Not in a deliberate move, but because he forgets he needs it and then forgets where he left it. When I’m working from home, it’s very difficult to concentrate because I’m always so distracted wondering what he’s getting into. I have to start going into the office more (at least 10 days a month, rather than the 8 I’ve been doing). That means asking our caregiver, Roman, to come a third day each week. I’m thinking, rather than have her come a third day only every two weeks, I have her here three days every week, giving me a break on days I work from home. It’s a little over $300/ day when she’s here, so I think he’ll fight it, but I really need that backup.

We’re going to start palliative care soon. I think it’s just a nurse practitioner coming once a week or so, but maybe she could come when I need a break to go to the store or just get away for a bit. I don’t know, but I often wish I could just have a few hours when I didn’t have to worry about him wandering or trying to cook or falling. Worrying is very tiring. 

Also tiring: trying to function without the use of your painful dominant hand. Have you ever tried to open a pill bottle with only one hand? What about zip a zipper? Wash your hand(s)? Lift a 257 pound man off the floor? Fold, lift, and place a walker in the backseat of a car? I’m not supposed to lift more than 2 pounds with the impacted hand. One more thing to worry about. 

I’m trying to be more mindful of my moods and focus on being in a peaceful mindset. There are so many challenges, though. Maybe it’s time to try meditation again. 

Wishing those of you who’ve chosen to read my words peace and wellness.